ropetieOften, business dress includes a tie, the only modern form of fashionable self-strangulation. The same guy is in Bermuda shorts and sandals on the weekend, if he dresses at all to leave the house. If not, he may lie around in boxers streaming episodes of Orange is the New Black, unless he’s one of those weirdos with a gym membership who actually goes on the weekends when no one important is there to see him.

Ties are also things we form with people. We call them relationships. Sometimes, ties are good, and sometimes not as healthy, like 50 Shades of Shitty Writing adapted to movie form, more commonly known as 50 Shades of Gray. When the ties are unhealthy, a time comes to cut those ties.

This can take many forms, from ending friendships, severing ties with family, or even divorce. These ties are often forms of self-strangulation as well, although in a more internal sense. Often the face we show to those around us says those ties are healthy, and everything is just fine, when we know they really aren’t. The ties are lies.

It’s much like the uniform we put on for a job. It looks good, but we can’t wait to get home, rip it off, and get back into boxers before cooking a pound of bacon and a burger for an afternoon snack. It’s not the real us. It’s just something we do.

The lies of the ties we wear to work are different. It’s just something we do, not who we are. When a relationship turns into something we do, and we are not free to be who we are, it’s time to evaluate whether it is a damaging lie, or just a job we’re willing to continue pretending makes us happy.

I went through a divorce recently. Is that the answer for everyone in a marriage that has become a job? No, hardly. Some people keep those appearances up for years, for many reasons. It was my answer though.

Some people judge that decision, but it wasn’t theirs to make. They weren’t wearing the tie, so to speak. It’s a lonely and hard decision, but in the end, shedding the ties of lies was the best thing for me.

Are there ties in your life that are lies? Have relationships that used to work for you become a job? There are two choices: find yourself inside that relationship, or shed the tie.

What has your experience been? I’d love to hear from you.